Panic! At The… Everywhere

*Drops forehead onto metaphorical desk*

Up until about a month ago my panic attacks had subsided into an almost non-existent worry in my day-to-day life. Predictably, this is no longer the case.

I had stockpiled medication while in the UK and managed a good 2 months worth to bring back with me in June. Sadly that ran out in early September, and being unable to swing the $350 presecription, I switched to something my doctor gave me that looked like it had fallen off the back of a truck. It apparently should be equally as effective as the former medication, but after nearly 4 weeks I must strongly disagree.

I didn’t realize how well the former meds had been working until it stopped! I’m now back to several panic attacks a day, often with little to no trigger. It takes me a good 3-4 hours of tossing and turning to fall asleep at night, and most nights I spring awake just a couple hours afterwards from a dream induced panic attack (that as of late often include heavy nosebleeds).

And the icing on the cake is that I’ve now had run-ins with two different supervisors at work over this whole mess. Last weekend I had moved into a space just out of the customers line of site so I could catch my breath when the supervisor came over and said “oh, take your time, it’s not like we’re busy!” in the most sarcastic and condescending manner I’ve heard in a long time. And today I did the same (after asking someone to cover my spot for a few minutes) when a supervisor came up and asked “what is wrong with you?!” before rushing off, annoyed.

It’s not like I don’t know how inconvenient and annoying my panic attacks are. Trust me, I do. They’ve thoroughly ruined my entire life, so I really don’t need the extra outside bitching. And it certainly doesn’t help, and I’m actually nearing a point where I’m getting panic attacks before work from stressing that I might have a panic attack at work and wind up getting fired.

The incident last week happened before a break, at which time I wandered off, having no desire whatsoever to talk to anyone. Thankfully I’d brought my camera and went to sit in a nice quiet clearly, with a not-too-shabby view:


IMG_1258.PNGI still don’t know how to explain this all, or even if it’s worth bothering.


One Reply to “Panic! At The… Everywhere”

  1. I’m sorry things have been so rough, Spencer. I hope you can get the effective meds to feel better soon.

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