How? Seriously, how is it December already?
There’s a lot of really positive things coming up, but being my anxiety ridden, lacking in confidence self, I’m finding it difficult to be happy about these things. I want to be thrilled, but there’s this voice in my head screaming a million reasons why I shouldn’t or can’t do things. It’s getting rather frustrating, to be honest.
I received a job offer a couple weeks ago that I was pretty excited at the prospect of. It was for a permanent, salaried position, and since I’m getting a little fed up of the temp work, it sounded nice. Last week another possible job opportunity arose with a different company, and earlier this week I was offered the position. This morning I took the latter position, favouring the company environment and actual job a bit more.
But, the actual job is making me a bit nervous. It’s nothing I’ve ever done before, and I’m worried I won’t be able to do it well. But, after a lot of thought I chose this job because it would be a challenge for me.
In the past few months I’ve done a lot of things that I’m trying to be proud of. Earlier this year I spent a week locked inside my mom’s house crying because I just couldn’t go outside. Now I’m living halfway around the world, on my own, dependent on mundane things that use to give me panic attacks like public transit and grocery stores. That’s not to say those things still don’t give me occasional panic, but I haven’t had a panic attack in a few weeks, which I’m actually finding hard to believe.
Anyway. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m taking this job to prove to myself that I can do it. Rationally, there’s no reason why I can’t. So it comes down to my own ability to not flake out or freak out and screw the whole thing up. We’ll see what happens…
Hmm… What else?
It’s cold here. It’s a different kind of cold though. The actual temperature isn’t as low as home, but it feels so much worse. Home is a dry cold. It burns your cheeks, and chaps your lips, but whatever you’ve covered in jackets, hats, and mitts will stay warm. That’s not the case here. The cold here is wet and damp and seeps through everything. I’ve heard the expression about feeling the cold in your bones, but now I understand that. When you catch a chill it stays for days. It’s uncomfortable and difficult to get use to.
I think it’s also the reason I keep getting sick. I’ve caught so many colds in the past couple months. I have an auto-immune disease so I’m use to be constantly sick, but it’s usually just a runny nose that last for 2-3 months at a time. These are full-on, knock you off your feet kind of colds. Hopefully I won’t be catching anymore this month- Too much going on!
Speaking of which, things have been very busy lately.
Orla visited London the weekend before last, which was a lot of fun. I don’t get out to do touristy things very often, so it’s always nice when someone comes to visit! We went to a few Christmas markets, Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, The Who Shop in West Ham, saw Les Mis on the West End, and did some shopping.
Southbank Christmas Market:
The Who Shop:
Orla in Hamleys:
Winter Wonderland, Hyde Park:
Things have also been chaotic on the web admin front. I can’t keep up! I’m trying, but yikes.
I was also called in to work at the Natural History Museum for some temp work. I’m still pissed at them, but I’m so poor at the moment that I put a pin in that.
Tomorrow I’m headed to Northern Ireland for the weekend. I haven’t really been out of London since August, so it’ll be nice to have a change of scenery for a few days. They flights were dirt cheap, and I’ll be staying at Orla’s, so it’ll also be a nice, cheap holiday! Always a win.
I start work at my new job on Wednesday, and my mom arrives in a few short weeks. It’s definitely going to be a busy month!
Also, apologies if my Christmas cards don’t arrive until January… Just a heads up.