Regrets

So, as some of you may know my London planning has been on the rocks as of late. I’ve managed to get everything done that I needed to, but it’s cost me more money than anticipated. And by “more” I mean my entire savings fund to move. UGH.

As such, I’ve spent the past week debating whether or not to go as soon as planned. I still don’t have a flight, so it wouldn’t be a huge deal to push it back a few weeks. People have been giving me advice for days, and almost all are encouraging me to head over as planned.

I’m trying to make the decision of what to do based on practical, and not emotional, reasons. I’m way too anxious to make decisions based on my level of nerves! I’ve spent the past year living my life by the anxiety’s standards and it was terrible. I didn’t take advantage of so many opportunities put forth while in grad school. Hell, I barely socialized with people in class. I’m sure everyone thought I was a bitch, or weird, or just anti-social. I didn’t want to be, but I think I managed to be all those things. It felt like my panic attacks would last days and it just became so much easier to shut as much of the world out as possible on the days when I was actually able to face it.

I definitely regret how most of the past year went. And I don’t want to regret the next year too. I need to suck it up and just DO it. If it’s a disaster, so be it. When I think about not going to London I feel completely heartbroken, which sounds silly, but it’s true. I may move their a discover it’s completely wrong for me, sure. But I won’t know this unless I DO it.

I have a lot of regrets. But I also have a lot of amazing experiences that would never have happened if I’d never taken chances like this. Life is short and I’m sick of spending it cooped up in my room panicking about trivial things.

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