And the official freakout begins… NOW.

I think it’s safe to say that my official freakout over moving has begun. I’m trying to rationalize that all of the things I’m freaking out about aren’t as catastrophic as I’ve made them out to be in my head, but my right and left brain are not finding any common ground. Current freakouts include:

Money

I know, I know. Who isn’t freaking out about money. This is the first summer since I was 15 that I haven’t been working 40+ hours a week. In fact, I’m working no hours a week, as I don’t have a job! Or, I should say, I have a job that has no hours. Same difference at the moment. My place of employment for the past 5 years went under, leaving me with a decision at the end of classes late last month: Find a job for 6 weeks, or travel. At the time travel won out, but I am regretting that decision a little bit at the moment. My trip was fantastic, but chewed up most of the savings I had put away. But, realistically, it would have taken me a couple weeks to find a job once I got home, and I would be handing in my 2 weeks notice right now. This leads in to my 2nd freakout…

Finding A Job in the UK

“What?! You don’t have a job in the UK before moving?!” Yes, this is very true. But, in my defense, my rational is that my choices were to find a min. wage job in Niagara and be paying a fortune in car insurance, payments, rent, etc, all the while not being anywhere near where I want to be finding my career. Or, I can move to London, find a min. wage job right away, work as much as I can while living very cheaply w/ friend before finding an apartment and the whole time be actively looking for a job in the city where I’m residing. Might be crazy, but I’m hopeful that it will work out. My main concern in finding an internship, but as I’ve already gotten offers that I couldn’t take because of my current location, I’m hoping my odds of finding something will be even better once I’m there! Right? Sure, why not.

And as for finding something right away – I have been applying, have friends asking around about openings, and have access to the SWAP working holiday employment program. I’m still completely freaked out, but I feel that I might be okay in the end.

Getting There

Going back to point number one – I have no money. And getting to London can be very expensive. Thankfully Air Transat has these fantastic seat sales where you can get a one-way ticket for $2. It requires a great deal of patience though, which is not my strong suit. I’m holding on though! My visa starts in 18 days, and their website sales section is slowly getting closer to my departure date. Just have to keep my fingers crossed on this one, as it’s really pure luck at the moment.

If not seat sale? Well, I’ll be shoving $900 on to my Visa card and figuring out how to pay it of later… Always a brilliant plan!

OMG WE’RE HAVING A FIRE sale

I need to sell my car. And my couch. And I need to donate or throw out about 3/4 of everything I own because I can’t bring it with me, or keep it here. In summation: My inner hoarder is losing it’s shit right now.

My Awkwardness

I’m awkward. Like, painfully so. If you know me, you know this. I’m okay with it about 99% of the time. However, this is the 1%.

Some wonderful friends have offered me immediate shelter and eventual flatmate status, and my brain is freaking out that when I get there no one will like me, and people will revoke said offers because I’ll turn out to be a pain to live with, and I’ll wind up homeless and broke and having a panic attack in the rain in the middle of Trafalgar Square with all my possessions. Slight overreaction? Of course. But, it’s my immediate assumption, so there you go.

Rational brain is saying it’ll be fine, even if we don’t get along swimmingly, things can be easily worked through, blah, blah, blah. I know. But, I’m awkward and crazy and don’t see the world the way I should.

Missing Home

I’m going to miss home. But, this is the sacrifice one makes when deciding to move halfway around the world. You leave family, friends, and familiarity. It sucks. But you do it in the hopes that the trade off will be worth it. You lose a lot, but you hopefully gain a lot in return. I’m hoping to spend the next few weeks spending as much time with family, friends, and Tim Horton’s as possible ; )

And thankfully the wonders of technology make separation less difficult. Skype, FaceTime, free international calling, and social media leave the ones you love closer than ever. It’s not the same, of course, but it’s still pretty awesome. Now, we just have to help my mom find that darn “Answer” button on her Skype!

The Gamble

At the end of the day, this is a total gamble. Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t. But, I know that if I don’t try, I’ll regret it forever. And maybe, just maybe, all the pieces will fall in to place. Bring it, London.

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